My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
