i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
