We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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