I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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