is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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