he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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