Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
