i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
