I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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