remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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