I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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