John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
