wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
