i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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