PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
