Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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