dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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