Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
