You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
