yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
