awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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