so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
