Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How's work?
Spinning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
