We need to rekindle our bromance
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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