just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
