Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
do herpes really smell.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
