the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
