I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
