I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize