so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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