Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
