I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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