I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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