the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
