two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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