I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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