I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just pee around me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
