Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
