3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out