with your own penis?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
