You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
