haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
