the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
