he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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