I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
