Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
