I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
