Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
