I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They took my balls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
