I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
