I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
