He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
