i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
