So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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