last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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