i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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