i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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