he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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