Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
