Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
