I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
