Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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