I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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