I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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