I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
