Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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