the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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