she was so not down for the gang bang
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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