how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
