OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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