Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
