At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
