She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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