On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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